Gods Timing & My Child

I read a blog tonight, and it literally broke my heart,made me grab my daughter and wrap her in the biggest of hugs. A young mother got a phone call at work, her healthy 4 month old baby had stopped breathing and was taken to the hospital. Upon arriving, she was told her baby did not make it. Rewind to last week and she was blogging about how smiling,healthy, and happy her child was. This could happen to me. This could happen to anyone.

Gods timing is not our timing. Sometimes when we least expect it, Jesus calls one of his children home. We just never expect it to be OUR children. And we never understand when it is one so little and innocent.

I read that blog and just sat and thought for a minute. My daughter turns 3 on April 3rd. She is my life, she SAVED my life. I was living in a life of drugs, alcohol, and shame until she came along. She was the reason God gave me to change my life, and have a fresh start. In these 3 years I have learned so much from her, but above all else I have learned patience and unconditional love.

Some days I wish I could send her to a sitter, to her grandparents, or anywhere else but around me...she literally drives me crazy at times, but then I read something like that blog and I realize how lucky I am. That young mother took her precious child to the sitter, probably kissed her goodbye and gave her "Ill pick you up after work" with a wave, then left to begin her day, not ever imagining that would be the last time she would see that smiling face.

That blog just pretty much put me in my place. Lately I have been pondering my decision to stay at home with my daughter,wondering if it was "right for me" and if my sanity would stay intack. When really what I should have been pondering is how lucky I am to be marrying a man that wants and allows me to stay at home.

I need to be grateful, every single day for the time I have with my daughter, because tomorrow is not assured, tomorrow is not guaranteed.....nothing is, not even the next hour of our lives. Jesus could come back in the next five minutes even! Wouldnt that be exciting!?! But my point to myself is that I need to really stop and cherish the moments I do have with Lillian. I need to not wish her to grow up faster, act differently, or be a certain way, because she is awesome and lovely just the way she is. When I feel stressed or getting upset at her I want to always remember the way she looks at me with such love. The way she tells me she thinks Im pretty and how her little hand reaches out for me when she wants me to hold her.

I love her more than my own life, and I would willingly lay my life down for hers. That blog and that family I read about tonight are always going to be burned into my thoughts as long as I live, and I pray that I remember that Gods timing is perfect...even if we don't know or realize it. So I want to try to enjoy the little things, love the people around me, and most of all bring praise to the lord through my life every day that I am breathing.