Getting Real with Postpardum Depression

I have decided to open up and be very transparent and open here, no matter what you think of me. Why? Because God has called me to do so. God does not give us a spirit of fear, but that comes from the devil. I learned a LONG time ago that the devil wants NOTHING more then to KILL us, to DESTROY us, to bring us down to the depths of no returns, and he is the ultimate deceiver at making people feel like they are the only one to have ever felt that way. Let me tell you a story about a Christian woman, a mother of 2 kids with a great husband, that loves going to church, that adores and worships the king of kings, lord of lords, but also a women that is

BROKEN

TIRED

STRUGGLING

SOMETIMES DESPAIRED

SOMETIMES OVERLY JOYED FOR NO REASON

SOMETIMES CANT STAND TO BE AROUND HER KIDS

FEELS AWFUL FOR FEELING THE WAY SHE DOES

KNOWS IN HER HEART THAT SHE SHOULD LOVE HER BABY MORE THEN ANYTHIGN IN THE WORLD

TAKES MEDICINE DAILY TO HELP WITH MOOD SWINGS

REPENTS ON HER KNEES FOR GRACE AND MERCY EACH AND EVERY DAY BECAUSE SHE HAS TO!

This woman is ME: Tara Eveland. And I struggle from BIPOLAR DISORDER & since I’ve had my son 6 months ago, POSTPARDUM DEPRESSION

*If you have read my testimony then you know I haven’t had the easiest life, or the best childhood, that is not to blame here, maybe it is maybe it isn’t, but blame isn’t my game for this post. This post is to encourage those women out there that are living for God but being beat down by that dang devil because you have a mental illness. Because you had that perfect little baby but inside you just cant be happy about him. You don’t know why you don’t want to hold him, it hurts you even MORE that you physically do not want to take care of him. Yes, you might go through the motions and give him everything his physical body needs,but you aren’t being that angel that God sent that baby to. You aren’t giving that loving, nurturing, caring vibe and actions to that baby. And it isn’t your fault, you WANT to, you know you LOVE your baby, you decided to have him with your husband that you love, you were so happy about having him ,and then he got here and BOOM, what happened? The world dropped out. You aren’t happy at all! This didn’t happen with my first child, a girl, who is 4 now, I was so loving, overjoyed, the best mother I could ever be to her, so now I am wondering, is it really just me, what am I doing wrong? I have been blessed with an answered prayer, he is so perfect, his first word is MA MA and “mama” doesn’t even want him around. What is wrong with me???

The devil has had me on my KNEES literally thinking of killing myself over this at one point. Why? I would NEVER EVER EVER hurt my child, but if I can’t LOVE him, if I can’t be who God wants me to be for my baby, or be the wife that my husband deserves then what is the point of even being around. Would anyone really miss me? This baby wouldn’t right? He surely knows that Im not giving him my all.

WRONG! THESE ARE LIES FROM THE DEVIL! THESE ARE LIES THAT HE WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE! HERE IS THE TRUTH! I FOUND THE TRUTH, I SOUGHT THE TRUTH, AND I FOUND IT, GOD IS FOR US! GOD WILL HELP YOU LIKE HE HAS ME! LOOOK HERE!

Isaiah 41;9-14 “I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you (OH DID HE EVER! I COULDN’T HAVE BEEN FURTHER FROM HIM WHEN HE CALLED ME TO SERVE HIM).

I said, “you are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do NOT fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your GOD. I will STRENGHTEN you, and HELP you; I will uphold you with MY righteous right hand. (SEE LADIES, BECAUSE GOD IS SO LOVING, AND RIGHTEOUS HE WILL HOLD US UP NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW UNWORTHY WE ARE, NO MATTTER HOW UNRIGHTEOUS THE DEVIL MAKES US FEEL, GODS LOVE AND GODS HAND IS HOLDING US JUST DON’T LET GO LADIES! )

11: ‘All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies;  you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. (DO NOT FEAR THOSE THAT WOULD TELL YOU, OR MAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE LESS OF A MOTHER FOR FEELING THIS WAY, YOU AREN’T YOU ARE MORE OF A MOTHER AND YOU ARE MORE LOVED BY YOUR CHILD FOR KNOWING THAT  THIS IS COMING FROM THE DEVIL, AND GOING AND SEEKING THE HELP YOU NEED)

13: For I am the LORD YOUR GOD, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, DO NOT FEAR; I WILL HELP YOU! (GOD WILL HELP YOU! GOD WILL HELP YOU! HE WILL! HE IS HELPING ME!)

If you are one of the the millions of women out there RIGHT now struggling with post pardum depression, do not fear to go seek help. You are NOT alone, and you are VERY VERY much not alone if you are already saved and holding onto the hand of your Lord. Just don’t let go. Please don’t let go of that hand. Because as long as he is “upholding you with his righteous right hand” then NO ONE can touch you, not even the devil.

Seek help from you doctor. I am on medicine. I am on paxil and Depakote right now. Does that make me less of a Christian, nope. God gave man wisdom, God gave us doctors, God gave us resources to help us. Read your bible, do NOT step foot out of bed without pulling up a bible verse on  your nook, tape it over head your bed ( I am doing this today), and read it, read something like “DO NOT LET GO OF GODS HAND” Because I am here to tell you that fear and these feelings are NOT from the Lord, they aren’t. God trusted me with the most precious, loving, kind, and adorable baby boy and Im going to LOVE HIM THROUGH THIS! Maybe I don’t love him the same way I did my daughter, maybe I don’t love him as hard and feircly as I did my daughter those first 6 months, but I know I will, I know deep down I would give my life for him, and I know GOD trusts me with him, so who am I to say I am not worthly…

My personal email is tara_eveland@yahoo.com   if you are struggling and would like to talk, I am open and available. If you DO NOT know Christ yet as your personal lord and savior then honey please open that bible to acts 2:38 Repent, ask for Gods grace, it is free, you cant buy it, and he LOVES YOU ALREADY. He is waiting on YOU to love him back. Please reach out if you want to talk, or if I can help you in any way! I love you all in Christ.